Mental Disease, and you.

[smciner1]

Oh that is Gold (tm)!

[Sourbastard]

Minginator SYndrome
Psychological Requirements:
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Pathological Modifier

Symptoms:
Delusional Traits -
You have tried 3 times and failed to register your car as a commercial aircraft.
You cannot understand why your car has achieved cult status among angst filled teenagers in the forum, because the car is just to pick up the kids and the groceries.

Hallucinations -
When you visit your car in the Garage, you can hear a voice yelling "FEED ME SEYMOUR!". This problem has sometimes led to you being found tucked in a corner of the garage fending off intruders with a torque wrench and a length of fuel line.
If you stare long enough into the engine bay, all the equipment in it appears to shrink, forcing you to fumble for your credit card and Herrods Speed Dial Button. Domino's delivery may also be called to quell the shakes until equipment arrives from the overnight courier.
You experience Time Dilation during 1/4 mile runs. You are unsure if this is a hallucination or a physical manifestation from approaching the speed of light.

Physical Traits -
An overwhelming desire to sit on people
Drools uncontrollably upon sighting chrome finish or braided hose
All items of clothing including undergarments carry sponsor logos
Eyes are glazed and pupils constantly dilated due to G Force trauma.
Memory bad due to lack of blood getting to the brain from blackouts caused by high speed maneuvers.

Treatment
Wine, Women & song. (This is more of a distraction than a treatment).
Keep patient calm, cool and comfortable at all times. Drunk is better. Stoned is perfect. Hourly Fast Food injections.


Prognosis
Laminginator Syndrome has no known cure and will eventually lead to Laminginator II Syndrome, Laminginator III Syndrome et al. Eventually a vehicle will be built that when driven will produce enough torque to crush itself and the human occupant into a box the size of a sugar cube.

[Casper]

Bwahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!

[fordel]

hahahahah that is brilliant !

chris

[EA2BA]

LOL .......... all good and a great read. well done, cant wait to see more

[DivHunter]

Originally Posted by sourbastard

Japanese Import Owner Syndrome
Psychological Requirements:
Must enjoy Trance Music

Symptoms:
Delusional Traits -
You think all your friends are fully sik
You think your car is fully sik
you think the glowing LED's around your licenses plates are fully sik
Hallucinations -
With the music loud enough and the Internal Strobe light running, you may try and buy Ecstacy from a Mcdonalds Drive through.
Sonic the Hedgehog may appear alongside the car, will glow and flash and challenge you to a race. This is most likely a policecar.
Physical Traits -
Attracted to Undercar Neons like a Moth to a naked flame.

Treatment
Lebanese Car thieves can alleviate this problem quickly with only a smidgeon of violence and Uleh.

Prognosis
Ownership of a Japanese Import makes you the Policemans best friend. Continual driving will can cause epilepsy and pants that dont fit over your underwear.


AU Falcon Owner Syndrome
Psychological Requirements:
Inability to afford newer car, but not povvo enough to have to drive an E series.

Symptoms:
Delusional Traits -
Will not admit that the AU is ugly, ever. It will one day turn into a beautiful swan, with enough spoiler kits and big enough wheels.
Hallucinations -
None - you know its ugly too but you lie to yourself constantly
Physical Traits -
Rework engine as much as possibile so you can say "Well atleast its fast."

Treatment
Purchase a car that doesnt look like a Ford Taurus on Steroids.

Prognosis
Without treatment the owner will begin to become more delusional, to the point where even modern art becomes attractive

Hi my name is Jacob and I beat AUFOS only to fall victim to JIOS.

Ronald continues to deny me the 'good stuff' and I have this urge to plug my credit card number into any website that has 'JDM', 'Jap' or 'Import' in it.

[Sourbastard]

E Series Owner SYndrome
Psychological Requirements:
Being a P Plater is a state of mind.

Symptoms:
Delusional Traits -
You believe you have Engineering abilities because you can wield a zip tie and duck tape.
You are sure fitting enough BA parts will actually rewind your odometer.
Your try to convince others that your tyres arent bald, they are special racing retreads.
You keep adding layers of bodgey tint in an attempt capture that "Gansta Pimp" Look. You consider fitting Jaycar Sonar to navigate during the night as you cant see Jack.
You tell your peers that your car is "dumped" when in reality you have sold your springs for fuel money, and replaced them with Milo Tins.

Hallucinations -
You can sense the boost from your electric supercharger.
When you are Black Flagged and ejected from the McDonalds Superdrome aka drive thru lane, for excessive smoke and a loose bumper, you complain to the Race Stewards aka McDonalds Manager.
When your engine bay catches alight, you try and convince the police that it came that way from the factory. They believe you and leave.

Physical Traits -
You can be seen lingering near the canon muffler aisle of supercheap, dreaming of what could be, then purchase that 6 pack of degreaser and a new head gasket, remembering what is.

Treatment
A Regular income and an actual savings plan.

Prognosis
Without treatment the E Series owner will continue to fix his vehicle until no stock parts remain, however the value of the vehicle will never increase to a level higher then the owners next happy meal purchase, minus the value of the free toy.

[EA2BA]

You are sure fitting enough BA parts will actually rewind your odometer.

Yeah it was worth a shot, but my ODO still goes up :(

Without treatment the E Series owner will continue to fix his vehicle until no stock parts remain

Thats my mission statement

[Sourbastard]

Cleveland Owner Syndrome
Psychological Requirements:
Senility due to old age

Symptoms:
Delusional Traits -
All time stopped for you in 1984 when the last Cleveland was produced.
You believe that eventually Cardigans will come back into style, once Ford "Wakes Up!" and start producing brand new Carbie fed Clevelands for the BC Falcon.
You believe all fuel bills should be 3 digits long on a weekly basis.
Even though your toploader has the feel of a stiltson wrench in bucket of river rocks you think its pretty slick.
You truely believy handling involves a threefold increase in horsepower.
You cruise aimlessly seaking out that one last bowser of real super, not that poofy premium.

Hallucinations -
Cleveland owners dont have hallucinations, they tell it like it is with frank honesty and integrity. Even when they are hallucinating.

Physical Traits -
Back injuries from the mistaken belief that 3 adult males can actually lift out an FMX unassisted.
Hand injuries due to clutching the wheel during takeoff in a vain attempt to control the vehicle.

Mullet Hairdos. Sideburns. Flannel Shirts. Winnie Blues.

Treatment
Being dragged kicking and screaming into the present on a daily basis.

Prognosis
Untreated the cleveland owner will continue to live in the past, until they are all gathered together in a theme park on an island, to live out the remainder of their lives in their traditional dinosaur way.

[PULLY6]

Originally Posted by sourbastard

- You believe you have Engineering abilities because you can wield a zip tie and duck tape.
- Your try to convince others that your tyres arent bald, they are special racing retreads.
- You tell your peers that your car is "dumped" when in reality you have sold your springs for fuel money, and replaced them with Milo Tins.
- When you are Black Flagged and ejected from the McDonalds Superdrome aka drive thru lane, for excessive smoke and a loose bumper, you complain to the Race Stewards aka McDonalds Manager.

Oh yeah, oh yeah. You're a legend Bastard

[Dark Horse]

hahahahahahaha ahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha

[Stav]

AHHAhahHHAHHAuiaAHA ..you are a funny bastard sourbastard!!!

[Laminge]

Oh that is absolute class

and so damm true

Well done, Im in tears, going to print that and stick it up on my desk!

[b2tf]

: these are fantastic. Alhough Im wondering whether I should ask to see the "4 Cylinder Ford"owners syndrome specs. :::

[Sourbastard]

Originally Posted by back2thefutura

: these are fantastic. Alhough Im wondering whether I should ask to see the "4 Cylinder Ford"owners syndrome specs. :::

Focus(Festiva), Cortina & Escort owners are next on the hit list.

After that, HSV & Monaro Owners.

Then early falcon owners.

[Work Horse]

Originally Posted by sourbastard

You believe that eventually Cardigans will come back into style, once Ford "Wakes Up!" and start producing brand new Carbie fed Clevelands for the BC Falcon.

Do you think it's possible?! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!!!



This stuff is GOLD sourbastard :1syellow1

[b2tf]

Originally Posted by sourbastard

Focus(Festiva), Cortina & Escort owners are next on the hit list.

After that, HSV & Monaro Owners.

Then early falcon owners.

Ahem - Focus aint nothing like a Festiva!

[Sourbastard]

Originally Posted by back2thefutura

Ahem - Focus aint nothing like a Festiva!

Not by the time I'm done :

[Casper]

Just joined all the gold together in the top post so none ever get lost.

Now I'm going to look for a tissue to wipe away all the tears of laughter.

[AdzT3-146]

Originally Posted by sourbastard

[Physical Traits -
You can be seen lingering near the canon muffler aisle of supercheap, dreaming of what could be, then purchase that 6 pack of degreaser and a new head gasket, remembering what is.

haha, top thread this one.

[JC]

This is easily the funniest (and yet truist - if that's a word) thread I've read on FF. An absolute pearler!

For maximum exposure, it probably needs a "Sticky" in the Pub - and maybe a re-title (don't know what to though).

[Casper]

I'm just hanging out for the "Red Telstar" one..... I'm guessing some of the delusions and traits will be a page long!

[Sourbastard]

4 Cylinder Ford Owners Syndrome
Psychological Requirements:
Poor Depth Perception
Overly Optimistic

Symptoms:
Delusional Traits -
You believe that power is not as important as handling... even though your car travels slow enough that wooden wheels would not effect handling.
You want to get larger wheels for the car, but your little sister guards her rollerblades too well.
You constantly try to differentiate one model 4 cylinder from another, while those with complete cars can see no difference as they accelerate past them on the highway.
You refuse to admit any similarity between a Zetec and a Victa GTS Lawnmower engine.

Hallucinations -
When driving on dirt, you become possessed by the spirit of Possum Bourne.
When repairing the car after driving on dirt and discovering you dont actually own a rally car, Possum honks the horn and demands to know whats taking so long.

Physical Traits -
Unresponsive hearing resulting from continual honks from passing traffic.
The ability to contort your body into a shoebox with enough spare room to still look around and say "roomy"

Treatment
The only known cure is to save enough money to buy the missing 4 cylinders.

Prognosis
Untreated the patient could spiral into agoraphobic responses, retreating inside the car like a hermit, turning up a Kenny G Album, and ignoring the outside world completely.

[Uncle_Ken]

Thank your Doctor.
Your cheque is in the mail.
Uncle Ken

[The MaDDeSTMaN]

Hahahahaha, some great ones there, keep up the good work...

Still waiting for XD/E/F owners, optional door handles, cars so square they are occasionally mistaken for 80's volvos...

[Sourbastard]

Red Telstar Owners Syndrome
Psychological Requirements:
Inferiority Complex
Lower then average intelligence

Symptoms:
Delusional Traits -
You believe your vehicle to be secure from theft.
You believe that telling everyone else that their car looks great will generate a return compliment.
You honestly believe its a Ford, not a Mazda.
You believe you will one day join the Police, but more likely will only ever wear the Proud and Honoured uniform provided by Safeway.
You think that others suffering from 4 Cylinder Ford Owners Syndrome actually count you as one of them.... when they dont

Hallucinations -
Sometimes you are surrounded by friends and loving family. Heh....
You sometimes witness the Telstar reach 110kph.
Everynow and then, you make important statements.

Physical Traits -
An abiliy to turn invisable so as to be able see and talk about events that have happened, with explicit knowledge, while giving the impression of never actually attending said event
A large bottom lip to stop the drool from hitting your keyboard as you dream of owning a real car while steadfastly defending your decision to buy the Telstar to all who will listen.

Treatment
Incurable Disease.

Prognosis
As this syndrome is incurable, the only prognosis can be negative. The most anyone around the patient can hope for is a long painful death, preferrably involving a Transexual, a Length of Steel Pipe, and a Garter Belt.

[b2tf]

:rofl:. Ahhh, but from a certain angle it all looks very different.........

[Casper]

Originally Posted by back2thefutura

:rofl:. Ahhh, but from a certain angle it all looks very different.........

From a certain angle a Telstar can look like a VK Calais too!!! _

[Velociraptor]

:evil_laug You bloody funny sourbastard _2: btw AUs are not ugly ing_sm

[stockstandard]

"McDonalds Superdrome aka drive thru lane"

"You truely believy handling involves a threefold increase in horsepower."

"Back injuries from the mistaken belief that 3 adult males can actually lift out an FMX unassisted."

GOLD!!!